


enter => SGAME

by Alessgrosskid (thatonegrosskid)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Humanstuck, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Intersex Character, M/M, MMORPGs, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamorous Character, Trans Character, Underage Drug Use, Video Game Mechanics, almost everyone is poc, almost written in rpg style, anyway...., karkat calls john a mayo stain, pesterlogs, puns everywhere, super slow burn but as soon as it starts rolling it all goes down hill, wow ive been working on this for awhile
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-05-12 21:44:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5681905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatonegrosskid/pseuds/Alessgrosskid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the city of Skaia is torn apart by a war between a preacher and a drug lord/cult leader, is SGAME (the popular new mmorpg) really that important?</p><p>yes. yes it is.</p><p>ch1> be the shouting mexican child<br/>ch2>???</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Loading: ….  
>continue  
>load  
>>new game  
>>character select  
>locked  
>locked  
>be the squealing pale kid  
>B3 TH3 R4D1C4L TR33 G1RL  
>>BE THE SHOUTING MEXICAN CHILD.  
YOU ARE NOW THE SHOUTING MEXICAN CHILD.  
WELL, YOU WOULDN’T CALL YOURSELF A CHILD. YOU’RE 13 YEARS OLD AS OF JUNE 12TH. AND YOU’RE NOT JUST ANY SHOUTING TEENAGER, YOU’RE NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS, DOUCHBAG EXTRAORDINAIRE. YOU ARE AN ADDMITTEDLY OVERWEIGHT BOY TEEN, BUT WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU LACK IN MUSCLE, YOU MAKE UP FOR IN LOUDNESS AND AGRESSION. YOU ARE A SEASONED VETERAN OF THE CESSPOOL CALLED THE INTERNET AND A SAVEY COLLECTOR OF ROMCOMS(THOUGH YOUR BROTHER DOESN’T APROVE). YOU WILL BE ATTENDING 413 PUBLIC SCHOOL FOR THE FIRST TIME TOMORROW, ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE ASSLICKING SHITSTAINS YOU ASSOCIATE YOURSELF WITH (READ: YOUR FAMILY). YOUR PERSTERCHUM IS CARCINOGENETICIST THOUGH YOU OFTEN KEEP IT ON >BUSY/OFFLINE TO AVOID CONVERSATIONS WITH OTHERS.  
YOU ARE CURRENTLY SITTING IN THE KITCHEN OF YOUR STEP MOTHERS HOME, YELLING AT YOUR OLDER BROTHER ABOUT THE SUDDEN DISAPPEARENCE OF YOUR FATHER(NOT THAT HE’S LISTENING.) YOU HATE WHEN HE DISAPPEARS LIKE THIS, GOING OFF TO PREACH IN THE OUTER LIMITS OF THE CITY, JUST BEGGING TO GET KILLED. YOUR DAD IS THE FOUNDER OF THE CHURCH OF THE SIGNLESS AND BECAUSE OF THAT HE AND EVERYONE ASSOCIATED WITH HIM HAS A BOUNTY ON THEIR HEADS. INCLUDING YOU.  
YOUR BROTHER, KANKRI, LIKES TO MAKE FUN OF YOU FOR TAKING PRECAUTIONS SO YOU WONT GET KILLED ON SIGHT, BUT YOU BELIEVE YOU’RE ONLY BEING RATIONAL. AFTER AN INCIDENT YEARS BACK WITH SOME CHUCKLEVOODOO PRIESTS THAT TURNED YOUR HAIR WHITE AND NAILS BLACK, YOU’VE TAKEN TO KEEPING THEM LIKE THAT. THE LESS YOU RESEMBLE YOUR FAMILY, THE BETTER.  
IT WASNT UNTIL YOUR 4TH ROUND OF ‘FUCK YOU’S TO YOUR ABSENT DAD DID YOUR STEP SISTER WALK DOWN THE STAIRS AND INTO THE KITCHEN. HER WIG WAS PLACED AWKWARDLY ON HER HEAD AND SHE HAD YET TO PLACE HER HAT ON. SHE GRABBED HER ESTROGEN PILLS FROM THE CABINIT AND SWALLOWED SOME DRY BEFORE SITTING IN FRONT OF YOU. INSTEAD ON SPEAKING DIRECTLY TO YOU, SHE PULLED OUT HER PHONE AND MESSAGED YOU FROM ACROSS THE TABLE.  
arsenicCatnip[AC] began pestering CarcinoGeneticist[CG]  
AC: >:33 *the huntress whaps the crab boy on the head, scolding him for making such a racket so early in the morning*  
CG: THE ANNOYED, ‘CRAB BOY’ POINTS OUT ONCE MORE THAT HES NOT INTRESTED IN PLAYING YOUR STUPIDASS ROLEPLAYING GAMES AND THAT IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT YOU CAN GO EAT AN ENTIRE ASS. WHY DON’T YOU MAKE YOURSELF FUCKING USEFUL AND GO BUY BREAKFAST? ALL YOUR MOM KEEPS HERE IS CRAP.  
AC: :33 *the huntress decides to strike a deal with her beautifully pissed off brother.*  
AC: :33 how about you wake up Meulin for me, and I go buy us some actual breakfast, instead of just oats and fish. *the cat girl wiggled her eyebrows purrsuasively*  
CG: HOW ABOUT NO? IM NOT ABOUT TO WALK INTO THE DEVILS DEN JUST FOR A BOWL OF CEREAL ARE YOU FUCKING MAD? I’LL JUST GET KANKRI TO GO TO THE STORE, HOLY CRAP.  
AC: :33 aww, come on karkitty, purritty please?  
CG: FUCK. NO.  
AC: 33 *ac disappointedly leaves the table, walking to her doom.* how could you make me do this karcat? I thought we were furends. *the sad huntress flicks her tail at the stumpy crab child*  
CG: STUMPY!?!?!?!  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased pestering CarcinoGeneticist [CG]  
NEPETA GOT UP AND THREW HER PILL BOTTLE AT YOU BEFORE WALKING UP THE STAIRS.  
YOU TURNED BACK TO CONTINUE YOUR RANT TALK WITH KANKRI, ONLY TO FIND HIM PULLING ON HIS DARK GRAY SWEATER AND GUN FROM BELOW THE COUCH. HE TUCKS THE HANDGUN INNTO HIS BACK POCKET, HIS SWEATER HIDING THE BULGE IT MADE. YOU ASKED (RATHER LOUDLY) WHERE HE WAS GOING AT 10:12AM.  
>>begin KANKRI=> speech  
>>Speech subtitles:on  
KANKRI: I’m g9ing 9ut t9 the st9re f9r 6reakfast. 6ef9re y9u ask, I’m n9t picking up any hair 6leach, n9r will I 6e getting magic the gathering cards.  
KARKAT: WHY DO HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT? I WAS JUST GONNA ASK FOR A NEW FUCKING PACK. ITS NOT LIKE WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH. WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ANYWAY? NONE OF YOUR STUPID VEGAN SHIT I HOPE.  
KANKRI: Im ch99sing t9 ign9re y9ur 6latent lack 9f respect f9r ath9rity, as well as y9ur casual use 9f a6leist language. Cereal, t9fu, s9y milk, extra 6ullets and may6e a large c9ke zer9 t9 split. Remem6er, d9nt 9pen the d99r and the extra guns are 6ehind the tv stand. If im n9t 6ack in 45 minutes, call grandm9ther.  
KANKRI: And the next time y9u make fun 9f my f99d, im letting y9u starve.  
>>end KANKRI=> speech  
WITH THAT YOUR BROTHER LEAVES. YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT THE THREAT AND REDO THE 4 LOCKS ON THE DOOR. YOU SIT IN THE LIVING ROOM IN SILENCE, THE ONLY SOUND GOING THROUGH THE HOUSE THE MUFFLED, TOO LOUD SPEECH OF YOUR ELDER STEP SISTER. YOU DECIDE TO PULL OUT YOUR PHONE AND MESSAGE ONE OF THE POOR SOULS YOU HAVE ON YOUR CONTACTS.  
>enter> contacts  
>arsenicCatnip  
>KANKRI  
>grimAuxilitrix  
> tentacleTherapist  
> terminallyCapricious  
>turntechGodhead > BLOCKED  
>> ectoBiologist  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]  
CG:HEY WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU MAYO STAIN, I WANNA TALK.  
CG: MY DADS GONE AGAIN AND I NEED SOMETHING TO DO.  
EB: well hello to you too karkat  
EB: you know its really offensive when you call me that, I feel kinda hurt, your lucky youre cute  
EB: you didn’t even have to wake me up I was already awake, ive been playing skyrim for the past 3 days  
CG: ALRIGHT, IGNORING YOUR DISGUSTING LACK OF SLEEP, HYGIENE, WILL TO LIVE AND COMMON SENSE, I SOMEHOW STILL WANT TO TALK. LUCKY YOU.  
CG: ARE YOU READY FOR SCHOOL TOMMOROW? MY DAD BOUGHT ME AN ASS LOAD OF SHIT AND I WANT TO KNOW IF IM EVER GOING TO NEED THIS SHIT. I MEAN, WHO ACTUALLY NEEDS THIS MANY FUCKING FOLDERS? I HAVE LIKE 20! AND WHAT THE FUCKS UP WITH THIS CALCULATOR? WHO FUCKING NEEDS THIS MANY BUTTONS!?!?  
EB: oh yea you are starting school tomorrow! no more being the creepy home school kid for you.  
EB: honestly just take the backpack and 3 journals and see where it goes from there, teachers usually give lists of what you need.  
EB: hehe i would be surprised you even made it into the school, youre short enough to be a 5th grader? jk karkat, what you lack in height, you make up for in weight  
CG: I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW WHAT I FUCKING EXPECTED TO COME DRRIBBLING OUT OF THE TOXIC WASTE CHUTE YOU CALL A MOUTH, EGBERT. I SHOULDN’T HAVE EVEN BOTHERED MESSAGING YOU. GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU PIECE OF TRASH. I HOPE YOUR WII GETS BRICKED.  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]  
YOU DECIDE NOT TO INTERACT WITH ANYONE ELSE, LEST YOUR BRAIN EXPLODE WITH THE VAST STUPIDITY OF THOSE AROUND YOU. YOU PUT A ROMCOM ON AND DECIDE TO SLEEP  
>>BE ANOTHER CHARACTER


	2. be the squealing pale kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short chapter i forgt to post

>>BE ANOTHER CHARACTER  
>> Character select  
> 6e the cauti9us sjw  
>BE THE TIRED STUBBORN CAT GIRL  
> B3 TH3 R4D1C4L TR33 G1RL  
>>be the squealing pale kid  
you are now the squealing pale kid.  
your name is JOHN EGBERT and you are sitting in you underwear, playing skyrim. unlike your friends, you are a ‘PASTY WHITE KID’, nothing special(as you like to say). well, you have a mole. right next to your eye in fact. but most people think it’s a smudge on your glasses. anyway. you really like playing VIDEO GAMES, and you are a CONNOISSEUR OF THE PRANKING ARTS. you spend a lot of your time in your room, scouring the internet for the newest DLC and the dankest of MEMES. you have an intense love for NIC CAGE MOVIES and STAGE MAGIC, and your room walls show that (when not covered in your gross, degrading sleep writing. you cover that with posters whenever you can.) your pesterchum is ectoBiologist and you would hate to have to change that (again.)  
you live with your DAD, UNCLE and cousin, JANE. as baking seems to run in the family, it only seems reasonable that your dad and uncle run a catering company. because of that, you have a constant supply of delicious fattening food at home. because of your constant consumption of sweets and lack of exercise, you lack muscle and the bits of BABYFAT sticking to you even after you turned 13 (on april 13th of course) tend to piss you off. with that thought your stomach rumbles.  
You get up to grab another redbull from the case on your tv stand when your phone buzzes.  
pesterchum>alert>messages>turntechGodhead  
you debate clicking into pesterchum. its not that you don’t like dave, its just kind of hard to understand what hes saying sometimes; and after staying up for 72 hours straight on just red bull and cake scraps, your not really in the mood for any fancy words. you put your phone away for now, ignoring the persistent buzzing. before you can return to your game, your dad walks into the room, looks around and frowns. you guess the littered energy drink cans and thrown around laundry give off a bad impression.  
he tells you to clean up a bit then go outside, play with your friends. your eyes roll, but obey. the last thing you want is for your dad to tell jane to drag you out of your room again. she never lets you save. you send a quick text to your cousin jade, asking to meet at the cinema she helps out at.  
as you walk down stairs to the front door, you hear you dad and uncle murmuring to each other in the kitchen. you think about listening in on their conversations…  
john>decide>  
>walk straight outside, who cares what they have to say?  
>>eavesdrop. they have nothing to hide do they?  
you decide to listen in. what do they have to hide? youre all family here. You put your ear up to the swinging door to the kitchen, focusing hard on your guardian’s voice.  
>>Begin> DAD EGBERT=> speech  
>> speech subtitles: on  
DAD EGBERT: Is it something I did? Did I mess up somewhere?  
DAD CROCKER: You know it’s not that. Maybe he just has a hard time making friends? or he’s embarrassed to have them over(for some reason.)  
DAD EGBERT: I don’t know, it seems all he does is play video games and lock himself in his room. I haven’t seen him speak to anyone other than his cousins all summer. As proud as I am to have him as my son, I can’t help but be worried for him.  
DAD CROCKER: you know technology these days, he probably talks to friends online. I don’t know what to tell you, try pushing him to go outside a bit more, perhaps? Maybe the school year starting will help him get out more.  
DAD EGBERT: You’re probably right. I just want him to be happy, you know?  
DAD CROCKER: I know. Try letting things play out how they are, you may be fussing over nothing.  
>>End> DAD EGBERT=>speech  
you silently walk away, choosing not to think to hard about what you’ve heard. should you be upset that he’s talking about you behind your back or happy that he cares? you shake the thoughts out of your head. you have a movie to watch.  
you grab your scooter from the garage and set off to the cinema. as the suburbs fade into shops and big buildings you start getting nervous. even a shut-in like you has heard about the religious fighting going around the city. looking around, its hard not to notice the tension.  
its easy to tell who’s who. the cult of the highbloods followers wear grey face paint at all times, so its easy to tell them apart from the rest. for disciples of the signless, it’s a bit harder. they each wear a necklace or bracelet with the churches symbol on it, so its hard to notice right away. but after awhile you start to see the small things, like how they carry themselves, to tell who they are.  
as you ride you get plenty of small glances from others, but for the most part no one cares. youre just another kid to them, what harm could you do?  
You meet jade at the front of the cinema, and go-  
Er-  
Go in-  
Err-  
ERROR. LOCKED ACTIVITY REQUIRED TO CONTINUE SCENE.  
>QUIT GAME  
>>RETURN TO CHARACTER SELECT MENU


	3. Chapter 3

>>RETURN TO CHARACTER SELECT MENU  
>> Character select  
>Be the flighty broad  
>B3 TH3 R4D1C4L TR33 G1RL  
> 6e the cauti9us SJW   
>> (=ＴェＴ=)be the tired stubborn cat girl  
(=ＴェＴ=) YOU ARE NOW THE TIRED, STUBBORN CAT GIRL.  
MEW-R NAME IS MEULIN LEIJON AND YOU DON’T WANT TO WAKE UP. YOUR SISTER TRIED SHAKING YOU AWAKE, BUT YOU REFUSE TO BUDGE. YOU HAD A LONG NIGHT OF FANFICTION WRITING AND ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS REST. YOU ENJOY ALL THINGS FANDOM, SHIPPING, AND OTHER SUCH RELATED THINGS. YOU ARE DEAF AND AS SUCH, CAN’T QUITE CONTROL YOUR VOLUME. YOU STAY HOME ON YOU’RE COMPUTER MOST DAYS, ARE A MASTER OF TUMBLR AND HAVE NO FURRENDS. YOU TYPE AND SPEAK LOUDLY AND QUICKLY, NOT CARING MUCH FOR DETAIL. YOU WOULD SAY YOURE VERY FURGIVING EXCEPT WHEN PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO WAKE YOU UP!!!!!!!!!  
YOUR MOTHER IS A DISCIPLE OF THE SIGNLESS, WHICH IS COOL YOU GUESS BUT IT ALSO MEANS YOU CANT DO ANY THING FUN (=；ェ；=) !!! YOU GET TO GO TO SCHOOL FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS TOMORROW, YOU’RE SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!! H33H33H33!!!  
AS YOU THINK ON THE FUN YOU HAVE AT YOURE MEWR SCHOOL, YOU ARE SHAKEN ONCE MORE BY YOUR SISTER. YOU TURN ABRUPTLY AND GLARE AT PURR.  
>>Begin> MEULIN LEIJON=> speech  
>> speech subtitles: on  
MEULIN: (=xェx=) WHAT THE HELL NEPURRTA?? IM TIRED, LET ME SLEEP!   
NEPETA: come on meowlin, momma says I have to wake you up while she’s gone and I’m not getting in trouble because you’re lazy!   
MEULIN: FINE IM GETTING UP! BUT I SWEAR, IF YOU DARE SHAKE ME AGAIN, IM GRABBING MY CLAWS! (^・x・^)   
>>End> MEULIN LEIJON=>speech   
YOU GET UP OUT OF BED, AND SLIP ON AN OVERSIZED CAT SWEATER, NOT BOTHERING WITH PANTS. YOU SLINK DOWNN THE STAIRS, NOT QUITE UP TO YOURE USUALL PEPPY SELF YET. YOU LOOK AROUND FOR YOURE STEP BROTHERS, ONLY FINDING ONE. YOU SHAKE HIM AWAKE AND HE GRUMBLES BEFUR TURNING TO YOU. YOU ASK WHETHER ANYONES RESTOCKED THE RED BULL AND HE CLAMPS HIS HAND OVER HIS EARS AND YELLS AT YOU TO STOP YELLING.  
HYPOCRITE.  
YOU IGNORE HIS SILENT RANTING AND GO TO THE FRIDGE. YOU LOOK ALONG THE SHELVES IN THE FRIDGE HIGH AND LOW BEFORE RESIGNING YOURESELF TO YOUR CAFFINELESS FATE. YOU FIX MEWRSELF A BOWL OF OATS AND MESS WITH YOUR PHONE WHILE YOU EAT.  
AS YOU’RE SCROLLING THROUGH YOUR TUMBLR FEED, YOU GET A MESSAGE ON PESTERCHUM. (^・o・^)

pesterchum>alert>messages>new contact> KURLOZ   
YOU WONDER WHO THIS KURLOZ GUY IS BEFORE ACCEPTING THE CHAT. IT CAN’T HURT.  
KURLOZ began pestering  MEULIN  
KURLOZ: Hello?  
MEULIN: HI PURRLOZ ヽ (=^・ω・^=)ノ  
MEULIN: ITS NICE TO MEET YOU.  
KURLOZ: The feeling is mutual. Kitten, I’m having a back to school get together at the park today, would you care to come?  
MEULIN: A PURRTY? KITTEN? ISNT THAT A BIT SUDDEN?  
KURLOZ: Well, I heard you were a new girl and I thought you would appreciate a chance to meet some of us before school starts.  
MEULIN: OH. WELL THATS NICE (=^・^=)  
MEULIN: WHEN DOES THE PARTY START?  
KURLOZ: You can come now if you like, the party’s going to last the whole day.  
KURLOZ: I trust you’re coming?  
MEULIN: OF COURSE!!! SEE YOU THERE. (=^-ω-^=)  
MEULIN ceased pestering KURLOZ  
YOU RUN UPSTAIRS AND SLIP ON YOUR SKIRT, KITTY LEGGINGS AND CREEPERS; YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO A PARTY! └(=^‥^=)┐YOU SIGN TO NEPETA THAT YOURE GOING OUT ON YOURE WAY DOWN THE STAIRS. YOU GRAB YOUR CLAW GLOVES OFF THE TV STAND, ALMOST AS AN AFTER THOUGHT. WITH EVERYTHING READY YOU SLIP OUT THE FRONT DOOR, GLAD THAT KANKRI ISN’T HERE TO STOP YOU.  
AS YOU WALK DOWN THE STREET, YOU THINK, MAYBE YOURE BEING A BIT TO TRUSTING OF THE STRANGER YOU MET ON PESTERCHUM JUST MINUTES AGO. BUT YOU SHAKE YOURE HEAD, YOU CAN PROTECT YOURSELF IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG, YOU’LL BE FINE. YOU TURN THE CORNER TO THE PARK, ONLY TO SEE (INSTEAD OF A PARTY) A GROUP PEOPLE SPREAD OUT ON THE KIDS PLAYPLACE, SMOKING AND LAUGHING AMONG EACHOTHER. YOU RECOGNIZE SOME OF THEM FROM AROUND TOWN, BUT YOU DON’T KNOW ANYONES NAME.  
AS YOU WALK CLOSER, THE BOY ON THE SLIDE RAISES HIS HEAD AND SMILES, URGING YOU CLOSER. HE LOOKS… INTERESTING (^・o・^). HIS HAIR IS LARGE AND CURLY AND WILD AND HIS FACE IS COVERED IN MIME-LIKE FACE PAINT, HIS MOUTH SEWED UP. YOU TRY TO SIGN TO HIM, NOT QUITE SURE IF YOU SHOULD SPEAK AND RISK PUTTING ANYONE OFF.  
>>Begin> MEULIN LEIJON=> ASL  
>> sign subtitles: on  
MEULIN: ARE YOU PURRLOZ?  
KURLOZ: YES INDEED, KITTEN. COME, SIT WITH US.  
MEULIN: I THOUGHT THIS WAS A PARTY..?  
KURLOZ: ITS JUST AS WELL. HERE, TAKE A HIT.  
>>End> MEULIN LEIJON=>ASL  
YOU TAKE THE BLUNT IN YOUR HAND AND BREATH IN A BIT, SUPPRESSING A COUGH. YOURE EYES WATER A BIT BEFORE YOU BREATH OUT AND KURLOZ CONGRATULATES YOU ON YOURE FIRST BLUNT. YOU DON’T FEEL MUCH DIFFERENT, BUT IT CANT HURT TO HAVE JUST ONE MORE HIT…  
BEFORE YOU KNOW IF THE BLUNT IS GONE AND ANOTHER HAS REPLACED IT, YOU DON’T KNOW WHO GAVE IT TO YOU, BUT YOU’RE FINE WITH IT. AS YOU SMOKE THINGS BECOME HAZY, BUT YOU IGNORE IT, FOCUSED ON YOURE CONVERSATIONS WITH YOURE NEW FRIENDS. KURLOZ INTRODUCED YOU TO THE OTHERS AROUND YOU; DAMEOWRA, MEENAH, CALIBORN (HE LOOKED A BIT YOUNG TO BE SMOKING) AND MITUNA. THEY ALL SEEMED PRETTY NICE, AND YOU WERE HAVING FUN. NO ONE EXPECTED YOU TO TALK AND THEY WERE ALL REALLY COOL ABOUT YOU BEING DEAF WHEN PURRLOZ EXPLAINED IT TO THEM. YOU WERE HAVING A GOOD TIME, UP UNTIL YOU GOT A MESSAGE FROM KANKRI, TELLING YOU TO GET HOME. (=^‥^=)  
YOU FROWN AND IGNORE THE MESSAGE, FINISHING OFF THE SMOKE AND SIGNING A JOKE TO KURLOZ.

>>RETURN TO CHARACTER SELECT MENU


End file.
